How to break up with someone: Give them a sock and tell them they are a free elf now.
twiistz: i met a girl with 12 nipples sounds funny dozen tit
celeryandhummus: our kids will probably attend a middle school dance where the theme is the 2010’s they’ll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to “call me maybe”
anglosexual: chickensandwich: i hate when couples say “we’re pregnant” because there is a very slim chance that they are both pregnant
coopercomeback: brbjellyfishing: What if crazy Steve killed drake, josh and their parents, kidnapped Megan and took her to Seattle, forced her to call herself Carly, and made her pretend she was his little sister we really need to sleep more on this site
darnni: arianne—martell: Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.
deluminator: my sister isn’t talking 2 me bc earlier she was doing her homework and she was like ‘god i need somewhere flat to write’ and i said ‘how about your chest’
mrcraabs: pokemon has taught me to paralyze things i like and want to keep